“The Worst Person You Know is in Therapy”

Stock image courtesy of SquareSpace

As a human being in the world, I am all-too plugged-in to social media. One of the memes I’ve seen come up in the therapy-focused corner of social media is one with the sentiment, “the worst person you know is in therapy” - usually followed by further supposition that this person is thusly being validated and told that they are not doing anything wrong, or some variation of this. So let’s talk about it.

Let’s say that it’s true, that someone who has caused us egregious harm in the recent or distant past is sitting down for an hour (or more) a week in a space meant to foster reflection, accountability, and insight. And maybe they are getting some level of validation, so that they can see their behaviors - yes, even those behaviors - as entrenched patterns that are maybe, possibly starting to become conscious to them. What favor are we doing ourselves by holding this possibility in low esteem? Should we not want people to learn from their mistakes so they can be a more actualized human being and not continue to cause harm - even if we never see them again?

What if you are the “villain” in someone else’s story? Because, let’s face it - all of us probably are, or have been at some point. We’ve all done things our wisest self would not be super proud of, and some of those things stay with people for a long time. So while you are showing up for your weekly sessions and doing your homework between appointments, someone out there in the world is continuing to hold a version of you in their heads that may no longer exist. And while that may not be the healthiest thing to think about all the time - more on this later - it may put this very polarized sentiment into perspective.

Interpersonal trauma, especially betrayal trauma, can affect us on a neurobiological level - therefore, it makes sense that if someone has wronged us and is no longer in our life, that is the version of them that persists in our minds and bodies because of all of the hardwired associations within that memory network. So I don’t offer this reframe as if it’s easy, or right. What I do offer is an acknowledgment of how polarizing people as all-good or all-bad does not do us any favors in terms of fostering meaningful community and connections in our lives.