Are you “processing,” or are you ruminating?
Stock image courtesy of SquareSpace
Sometimes people share with me how they have been “processing” something from either the recent or distant past - mulling it over, turning it around every which way in their brain, trying to understand it from every angle. Sometimes this is hugely strategic and even helpful; thinking about things from multiple perspectives is one way to practice something called dialectical thinking, where we ask ourselves questions such as “What information is my point of view leaving out?” or “What’s valid about the other side of this argument?” Sometimes, however, we almost lose time cognitively analyzing something - that fight we had with our boss or colleague and how many outcomes we can imagine instead, or that embarrassing thing we did in high school that still rides the nightly thought carousel when we’re trying to fall asleep. These re-imaginings can feel like a scratch on a record, can get our heartbeat racing, and can interfere with our ability to be present in the moment at hand.
Stock image courtesy of SquareSpace
Ruminating is, like any other behavior, strategy - often an effort by our brain to “close the loop” on an experience that we just can’t seem to find resolution with. It is also one of the biggest struggles my clients have. These thoughts become fused with the experience of the present moment and the person’s evaluation of themselves as a person, taking people out of their bodies and up into their heads. When we find ourselves ruminating, a part of us may be trying to “problem-solve” the situation - only the issue is, the situation isn’t happening now so we are exhausting a tremendous amount of mental energy on something we, in this moment, may not be able to actually do anything about. When we find ourselves ruminating about a past experience, there’s often something about that experience that hasn’t been fully “digested” by our brain’s processing system - some piece of emotional information that’s still lighting up our nervous system, or a “square peg”-shaped thought that doesn’t quite fit into the “round hole” of our worldview.
Stock image courtesy of SquareSpace
Processing something means that we are fully integrating all components of the experience - cognitive, emotional, sensory, and bodily reactions - into the narrative story of our history. It means that, rather than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, we are allowing the experience to find its home in the living draft of our life story, without any edges sticking out that might give us a paper cut when we’re thumbing back through. Fully “processing” an experience may be something that can take place on your own while engaging in thoughtful reflection with journaling or meditating, or in a relational space such as the therapy room where the experience can be held with and reflected back to you by a safe person. When in a rumination loop, re-orienting yourself to the present moment and your body may be helpful. For this we can use grounding techniques, such as sitting on and pressing our palms and/or feet into the floor, holding ourselves in a compassionate way with one hand under the opposite arm and the other hand on the opposite shoulder, or implementing breath work strategies if that feels safe to your body. Getting back into our body and the present moment is just one tiny - and powerful - way we can reclaim our awareness and compassionately guide ourselves back to the now. I certainly don’t want to minimize that the “now” may be a scary place to be for a lot of people. If this is true for you, I invite you to extend some gratitude to the parts of you who work so hard to strive for safety with creative strategies like daydreaming or otherwise distracting from the present moment, while also considering how you can tell when you feel any glimmer of safety in your day-to-day life.